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Post by lildawnrae on Feb 3, 2019 19:27:33 GMT -5
A life in three objects
Abandoned 8 Inch Doll
Your white eyes with no pupils,
are transformed to blue:
bald head covered neatly
with a prim brown bob,
new apron with polka dots
Electric Kettle
Just seconds and you boil three
cups of water whether I watch
you or not. You do not scream,
but you listen: only two tasks.
Nonie’s Ring
Fallen under the high school bleachers
how did you swim to the surface
when she chose to search? What
told you to do that trick again,
when I sifted all the clutter?
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Post by bluebird on Feb 4, 2019 8:45:35 GMT -5
Hi Dawnrae, the title encouraged me to think of how a doll, an electric kettle and a ring connect. I think Nonie is a pet name for grandmother (?) so here goes: the doll perhaps was hers and so, worn out but refurbished for or by you to have a second life...it also could represent the grandmother herself, a bald heard brings up possibility of chemo...the apron (different than a dress) brings up images of someone who was a figure in the kitchen...this leads to the electric kettle faster perhaps than one on a stove...and it doesn't need watching...but then I get a bit confused...though the kettle might also be a metaphor for a grandmother who was kind and attentive to you??? Am I way out on a limb here? Are the two tasks to be quiet and to listen?  The ring (Nonie's) perhaps given to you, lost but found again by her...now found by you...perhaps cleaning/sorting though your memories? Your poem reminds me of the objects in Bishop's poem...I like what objects can bring to mind and yours bring up for me things/memories of my own life....so thank you |
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Post by lildawnrae on Feb 4, 2019 9:13:16 GMT -5
Thank you Karen, your responses are as Philip Larkin says, "both true and kind." Very useful for future drafts and I thank you!
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Post by betsey on Feb 4, 2019 13:25:00 GMT -5
Wow. Good reading, Karen. Can't say I was able to link the three objects into a Grandmother. Somehow the title has to do more lifting, I think, if Karen's insights (and they are wonderful) are correct. Maybe a fourth verse with a button on her blouse and you on her lap? Or sharing tea? (a possible fifth line to the 2nd stanza)
I like the imagery, Dawn, and the fun. (a watched kettle...) And the poem has a certain charm as it unwinds.
I love the sifting clutter image, but it leaves me wondering - kind of a new image added without enough backup?
Would be interested to see how this poem develops.
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linm
Junior Member
Posts: 92 
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Post by linm on Feb 5, 2019 8:46:34 GMT -5
Hi Dawn,
I enjoyed this array of small vignettes. I agree with Betsey that the title might give the poem more center. I can Karen's view that the three items relate to a "Nonie," but I can also see tem as relating to the speaker. Each object is addressed as if it were animate; the kettle does boil but not "speak"; the reing "swims to the surface" and does it again. The doll only is passive. I felt the flow was strong; you use the colon in stanzas 1 and 2, then switch to questioning the object in three, while the speaker remains calm and observant. I felt the idea of Nonie "choosing" to search was a bit jarring; wouldn't she naturally search for her lost ring? Great start !
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Post by Gerry on Feb 5, 2019 21:18:44 GMT -5
Dawn, I like the idea of this poem and much of its execution. The title sets up the montage sensibility--or perhaps more accurately triptych--sensibility of this. In some way, thinking of the triptych as a model, perhaps a slightly richer (bigger) middle section will imbue the poem with more emotion at its core. As it stands, the Nonie comes too late.
Do we read the 3 cups as the speaker, the doll, and Nonie or is it an arbitrary 3 cups?
I have the same question as Lin about the word "choosing." I also have some confusion about "the clutter" I wonder if it shouldn't be "her clutter," which might clue us into the Nonie's passing, and clarify the emotion at the end.
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Jimmy
New Member
Posts: 44 
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Post by Jimmy on Feb 5, 2019 22:10:27 GMT -5
Dawn, this is a neat idea and I enjoyed reading it. Just a couple thoughts/suggestions. First, maybe consider dropping “8 inch” from the first title which would make it congruent with the other section titles. I might also cut “polka” from the last line as I think it reads better with just dots. I think the second item is very interesting and I love tea kettles. Still, I’m not sure how it fits in yet. Same with the ring. I want to know how finding it impacted the speaker (maybe I’m too Tolkien here but for me, you find a ring and something big should happen) or where she was in her life when she found it. BUT - I don’t want too many more details, just a slight additional coloring in so that I can see it for myself. I hope this helps!
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Susan
New Member
Posts: 25
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Post by Susan on Feb 6, 2019 7:50:54 GMT -5
Dawn,
I like the idea of three objects, and I want them to speak to or relate to one another somehow - either directly or indirectly, through image, language, relationship to the speaker? Two are lost in some way (doll, ring), though the speaker knows where the ring is. Two have a domestic life - doll's apron, kettle in the kitchen (suggested).
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Post by lildawnrae on Feb 6, 2019 11:36:54 GMT -5
Thank you everyone!
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