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Post by lildawnrae on Jan 27, 2019 16:44:07 GMT -5
Playing with Fire
Reliable bloom of a kitchen match, exuberance
of Midsummer when heat ignites piled up wood,
and ashes and stars mix like glitter-glue, or the glow
that fades through the night as we sign our names.
Warmth for men who claim an oil drum
as their personal furnace, hold their hands close
as they inhale burned chicken bones, rags,
greasy paper––flammable anger and genius.
Watch the Fire Collective spin flames into
dazzlement. They are ready to teach beginners
how to rub shea butter into old scars, toss blazing
batons into the air, soothe each others’ mistakes.
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Post by betsey on Jan 27, 2019 17:32:45 GMT -5
Oh dear. I lost this message the first time, bur so much of this poem is great, Dawn. Love the sounds, the structure. The emotion of Hopkins in Bishop shell. Nice.
Two word choices give me pause: genius (maybe brains?) and mistakes (Maybe error?) I suggest you go back and find better sounds than the originals.
Love the Midsummer image, ashes and stars mix like glitter-glue, as we sign our names.
You can feel the praise. Great.
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Post by bluebird on Jan 27, 2019 20:25:49 GMT -5
Love the image of ashes and stars as glitter glue...so true, so true.
Transitions between stanzas did not quite seem organic ... wonder if you might explore that more... how one image
catapulted you to another. I think exploring that might be a useful endeavor to find the connection between stanza thoughts.
Love the last stanza. Maybe begin there?
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linm
Junior Member
Posts: 92 
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Post by linm on Jan 29, 2019 13:22:30 GMT -5
Hi Dawn
There are some great images here--"bloom of a kitchen match," "ashes and stars mix like glitter-glue," the men inhaling smoke from a garbagey-fire. I looked up "fire collective" --to discover it's a Detroit circus centered around fire display/ play. This doesn't come through in the poem, although you capitalize it. As much as I like what the two beginning stanzas do, I wonder if the poem should (or maybe another poem) work with the fire collective as the core of the poem. Though here, I do see that the first stanza focuses on fire's beauty, the second on its utility, the third on its harm or danger when played with (referencing the title). I wondered if the beauty and the utility (allowing us to see, at least) could be evoked through descriptions of the circus itself, then moving to the danger, its harmful aftereffects or whatever you want to explore. The subject of a fire circus is tantalizing!
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Post by Gerry on Jan 30, 2019 21:18:14 GMT -5
Dawn, this is lovely lovely stuff. Try to read it with stanzas two and three reversed. I don't know if it's a better poem, but it's a bit more "curious" if that makes sense.
Good poem.
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