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Post by lildawnrae on Jan 12, 2019 15:38:11 GMT -5
Ghetto Palm
We are growing a butterfly bush in Charlene’s yard
where the DTE crew finally took down her ghetto
palm, grown huge but rotten, limbs thick as trees.
It escaped from the governor’s home back in 1910,
and when it tried to kill us--blaming aggression on a freak
storm, it knocked out our electric for a week, blocked
the throat of the alley for a year. We never loved
that tree or its babies (two feet of root every summer.)
We don’t like the shade or the un-heavenly stink of it.
Use “ghetto” as a prefix, and the new word looks tough.
Butterflies love common milk-weed, tangerine butterfly
weed, all thick in gardens of burned houses. We keep
feeding them whatever they desire. Even the ones that
spit poison get their favorite nibbles, mostly parsley.
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Post by bluebird on Jan 12, 2019 18:51:09 GMT -5
Hi Dawn, I like what feels like some subtle double entendre: that the "ghetto" palm
(perhaps like the ghetto itself) had grown huge and rotten, tried to kill the neighbors,
stank...but I'd like another clue about this image circa 1910...perhaps a news clip or
some identifying characteristic of Charlene who clearly (since the DTE crew FINALLY
rid the neighborhood of her ghetto palm...which brings to my mind some small attempt
at creating an oasis in a hard place.
Ghetto butterfly bush is an interesting choice as is the sense of "feeding" this horde
even when they eat what folks themselves would use (parsley)... and the main thing seems
to be that a butterfly bush in a ghetto, like a ghetto palm, just doesn't quite fit.
My only suggestion is that breaking the lines up a bit might help thought I'm not sure
where you could make line breaks or if they are even necessary. Good Work!
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Jimmy
New Member
Posts: 44 
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Post by Jimmy on Jan 12, 2019 22:15:16 GMT -5
Dawn, this seems signature you with its tight language and street toughness. I like how you accentuate the tough palm and the tough (poison spitting) butterflies. The callous DTE. We all are flexing our muscles in this poem. Yet, teh speaker anc Charlene are persistently growing a butterfly bush amidst it. I am growing one too and so relate on that level. I like the metaphor of the palm blocking the alley as something lodged in the throat. Maybe there is an opportunity to expand that metaphor. Even if not, I like this poem for how it makes me think of the gritty parts of the city where beauty also grows. It’s interesting how much of that feeling comes from the word ghetto alone.
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Post by betsey on Jan 13, 2019 20:05:56 GMT -5
Hi Dawn -
Good to see you and your work again.
Some nice stuff here - "limbs thick as trees" got me thinking!
good personification and sounds- thick, freak, weak
You capture the hopelessness of the ghetto - not sure I get the "ghetto as prefix" line
you are continuing the fracture theme...
I agree that you might consider breaking up the lines a bit. Experiment with some line breaks. As it is the block format (although we are talking about a block here -- hmm...) doesn't quite work for me.
Good pacing!
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linm
Junior Member
Posts: 92 
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Post by linm on Jan 14, 2019 10:03:28 GMT -5
Hi Dawn,
Thanks for showing this intimate drama of "pacifying" a rough neighborhood... There's very strong imagery here that animates the poem from deep inside it: the tree “knocked out our electric for a week, blocked/ the throat of the alley for a year.” The rhyming sounds, “knocked“ and “blocked” dramatize the personification of the tree as an aggressor that you’ve got going in the previous lines ( “tried”; “blaming”) In addition, there are overtones of conflict throughout the poem: “escaped”; the “word looks tough”; “burned houses” (befitting a run-down neighborhood). The tree in the poem is clearly the ailanthus known as ‘tree of heaven,” an invasive non-native species that opportunistically takes over any empty spot of ground in cities.(Can you tell it’s not my favorite, either!). You are building a contrast between the tree and butterflies / butterfly bush. The tree comes off as the (malicious) star of the poem, though.
One small thing, there’s a tense change to the present in lines 9-10, but this breaks with the established pattern of past (tree) and present (butterfly bush).
The poem has 14 lines, a free verse sonnet-- great of you to try working in a form. The couplet, which you have enjambed, introduces, in an aside, the idea that some butterflies "spit poison," (who knew?) a fact that fits in with the harshness of a ghetto environment. But this strong image is followed by words that weaken the ending, "nibbles" and "parsley."
It's acomplex drama going on here, which you've well compacted to the form!
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Post by Gerry on Jan 17, 2019 13:17:03 GMT -5
Hi Dawn, I can nit-pick here and there, but in general, I think the poem hasn't quite hit its stride yet. I think it begs to be longer. To be honest, I'm trying to figure out what this palm looks like. It has limbs (something I don't usually associate with palms at least not in the traditional way) and its rotten, but I got nothing. Try holding your glance and ours on it, or else on the butterfly bush (as a contrast). I do like the moment when it's in the alley and the simile there, but I think you might push beyond your first instincts here.
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