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Post by bridgettearlee on Jan 15, 2016 14:10:00 GMT -5
We all say special and unique
as if their ambiguous connotations
cancel out what the future holds
for a little girl who fails
to make eye contact. We puzzle
the inner workings of a child so
firmly planted outside
of a two o'clock play date, who pulls
pilings of play-doh away
from a central mass and rolls
them into tiny balls too precious
to be touched by any other. Eventually
they will give her what she doesn't know
she is asking for, the talk will rise
above her tumbling curls. They will discuss
drugs and lesson plans; they will plot
her outcomes in tortured tongues
too exhausted to coax her
into compliance
while she colors delicate and detail
the golden afternoon mid-May
when we flew blue and purple kites
in a great rolling field; the dogs
chasing her, wind at her back
thrusting her forward
nearly weightless and alive.
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Post by lildawnrae on Jan 15, 2016 20:32:04 GMT -5
Hi Bridgette, I see the Joseph qualities here, but there's lot of Hopkins style exuberance and joy in the child's remembered joy. Also the poem has a turn that reminds me of the abrupt turns in many of Hopkins' sonnets.
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Denise
Junior Member
Posts: 54 
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Post by Denise on Jan 15, 2016 21:06:42 GMT -5
Oh my, how you have captured the difference we easily ignore and then discover. The speaker's connection to the condition described is poignant. Our hopes are for the viewpoint character, that she survives.
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Post by kitzak on Jan 16, 2016 6:55:35 GMT -5
The subtle vulnerability speaks volumes through images and line breaks: favorite images: planted outside, balls too precious, thrusting her forward, esp. the verbal!
Also superb line breaks , favorites:eventually, plot, and talk will ...
Enjambent carries the reader forward so smoothly.
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linm
Junior Member
Posts: 92
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Post by linm on Jan 16, 2016 11:46:55 GMT -5
I agree—you’ve ended each line strongly, with words that target your meaning; I especially like “discuss, plot, tortured tongues . .” The portrayal of the girl at the end is lovely and poignant, and throughout you use such clear details about her, of her not making eye contact, of her tumbling curls, that we can see her amid the conceptual discussions of the adults. I did notice there was a switch of pronouns, from “we” at the start and in line five, to “they,” and then back to “we” at the end. The pronouns are vague as to who is meant, although the final “we” seems to be Willa and the speaker (her mother?), a different “we” than is meant at the start.
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Post by janeldb on Jan 17, 2016 11:35:36 GMT -5
So many emotions triggered by your poem. The girl's name "Willa", like will, strong and fixed purpose, energy and enthusiasm, the power of choice--all of these meanings fit the ending, the wind at her back, nearly weightless and alive. The tension isn't not resolved, of course, if I'm reading this correctly, the speaker seems to want everything to end up well.
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Post by Gerry on Jan 17, 2016 12:02:53 GMT -5
Bridgette, good poem. I like how Willa becomes a very specific "any girl" as it were. Most of the comments from your classmates are spot on, but I think the poem still needs more work. Attachments:Bridgette 2.pdf (39.28 KB)
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Post by sherry on Jan 17, 2016 12:05:37 GMT -5
You have to love Willa, and the sense of the "voice" of the poem that manages to be both engaged and a bit detached until the colors of the golden afternoon.
i wondered if switching the concrete and abstract sections at the beginning would pull the reader in more. I love the Play-doh reference, and the p sounds in the middle, the use of the word "compliance - as though we are not talking a real person, and the contrast at the end of weightless and alive with all the heaviness of a diagnosis.
Highlights very effectively the conundrum of raising a "different" child.
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