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Post by sherry on Jan 15, 2016 8:45:19 GMT -5
- Mary Louise Parker
You never think
that you will be the one
on a snow-fallen night
in a shadowy kitchen
to tell wet, wandering lips
to dart, to close,
to later dawdle
in another's room for afternoons
of sport, of spurt
of hips and thighs and breasts alive,
then flesh it out with talk -
of what you might, you could, you should.
Here, there be dragons.
Good girls learn
to color inside the lines, write thank-you notes
wear cotton briefs, chart fertile days
shop on sale, buy in bulk
What do they know
about betrayal –
damp, unlikely lust.
of how your feet
might carry you
to where you need to be.
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Denise
Junior Member
Posts: 54 
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Post by Denise on Jan 15, 2016 8:50:55 GMT -5
This is so rich in sound and texture and images. I like what you have drawn using just a few words to capture the action and the underlying emotion. Your word choice and rhythm work well, for me. And, I laughed aloud at "here, there be dragons" for all the danger, imaginary and unfortunately real.
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Post by janeldb on Jan 15, 2016 11:55:34 GMT -5
There's much here to love within the images, but I'm most taken with the first and last lines. It seems adolescence is not about thinking but preparing, wondering, longing, experimenting, discovering, much of the time with the body and not the mind. The then that last line. We're lucky if we end up in adulthood "where we need to be". Love it.
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linm
Junior Member
Posts: 92
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Post by linm on Jan 16, 2016 12:02:50 GMT -5
There’s a change in how the line breaks are handled after “Good girls learn” — the lines are more end-stopped, an example of a “good girl” obeying the grammar, putting a break wherever a comma is implied. Then, “What do they know” breaks at the core word/ concept of “knowing,” (maybe meaning both conscious knowledge and the carnal), and the final three lines kind of stamp home the ironic judgment that “betrayal” might mean being true to yourself. I think the end really gives the reader a wallop. Also, I love how the poem undercuts the quotation, with the poem coming at the topic from the view of the “betrayer.”
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Post by lildawnrae on Jan 16, 2016 18:40:44 GMT -5
It's interesting that the line "Here there be dragons" comes after the first half of the poem--
devoted t sexual exploration. I wondered if the betrayal in the title might refer to part of the self betraying a different part of the self. Of course the dragon warning comes right before the description of the lives good girls lead. What buttoned up, sterile lives they seem--from a controlled childhood to a stereotypical good house-wife. Ultimately that good girl life is a betrayal of the essential self. I think it's nicely sophisticated that it isn't a boyfriend who betrays the speaker, but either 1) her desires, 2) her desire to be a "good girl", or 3) her feet. There's a lot happening in this poem!
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Post by Gerry on Jan 17, 2016 15:09:02 GMT -5
Sherry, strong strong poem. It captures sexual rebellion with its hints of adventure and regret. Strong title. Attachments:Sherry 2.pdf (30.25 KB)
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Post by bridgettearlee on Jan 18, 2016 12:12:14 GMT -5
I like that the title serves as a warning that we never see fully laid out in the poem, by which I mean the piece moves on and in the back of the reader's mind there is that title layering foreboding into each naive gesture of sexual exploration. With that in mind I think you could omit the "there be dragons" line. It invites a foreshadowing or warning of danger, but we already have that in the title and the tone of the line doesn't quite match the rest of the poem. I think if you edit the punctuation throughout the piece it would add some clarity. As is, currently it seems like the speakers is telling wet, wandering lips to dawdle while it feels like the person is meant to be the one dawdling. There is inconsistency with commas at line breaks, sometimes they are there and sometimes you use the line break to serve as the comma but having them earlier in the piece makes the reader flow to the next line assuming a continuation of thought rather than the next item in a series. Thanks for a good read  |
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Post by kitzak on Jan 18, 2016 12:18:03 GMT -5
What a departure. Really like your use of short lines here. And the cliche of the "good girl rules" contrasts well with the sexy,earlier part of the poem.
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