Jimmy
New Member
Posts: 44 
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Obsession
Jan 10, 2019 7:17:28 GMT -5
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Post by Jimmy on Jan 10, 2019 7:17:28 GMT -5
Obsession
Something important to me as money:
Tea box pictures showing through my
Cabinet glass. Not black and white bar-
Codes or numbers reporting nutritional
Values visible. They only remind me of job
Performance measures I’d like to stay
Married to day. When I stir by stove
Light, robed, dishes sparkling expectations,
Give me the view that flashes a gold inlaid
Dragon instead. I’ll boil water to smell its
Ginseng steam. I want to see the geisha’s
Powdered face on my black-orange
Mandarin spice and savor her acid bloom
Just looking. Shhhh. Our Sleepytime tea
Box bear has nodded off in front of a raging
Hearth. Let’s not wake him till morning.
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Post by bluebird on Jan 12, 2019 19:31:22 GMT -5
Well! First I have to say that I am a die-hard fan of Sleepy Time Tea.
I recommend it to all my friends. It is my "go to" soother at 4 a.m. when
I really want another 2 hours of sleep.
The leap to bar codes being out of sight is great since they have
NOTHING to do with the wonders of herbal tea....and only remind us
of our daily necessities of earning our good sleep.
Great word choices to create the feeling of being up and about
in the early a.m. -- that little light on the dishwasher that is
so comforting...telling us that yes, our dishes for the coming day
are clean. THAT for me is a great image.
And I really get how the blue lights we see from our modern kitchen
appliances give a certain irony to the sheen of our oriental import
accouterments for herbal teas...and yes, so comforting like a geisha
and how can we ignore that perfectly painted beauty....lovely image...
acid bloom is a quirky turn...but in the end, teddy bears always win....
Obsession as the title seems perhaps to be the "job" the "performance
measures" that keep us being good wage earners....
Note: my son commutes for 1 and 1/2 hours to his bank job each morning....
sometimes he doesn't get home until 8 p.m. But he does this for his
family...though he might rather be playing drums with a band or fishing
in Oregon...I know that he has something in common with you...he never gets
enough sleep!
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Post by betsey on Jan 13, 2019 20:16:30 GMT -5
Hi Jimmy, Love the irony of obsession with tea... You lose me in stanza two - performance measures I'd like to stay married to today?  Strongest lines: "I'd want to see the geisha's powdered face in my blood orange mandarin spice and savor the acid bloom..." (might you begin with this line???) and "give me the view that flashes an inlaid dragon instead..." I want more passion in the poem, Jimmy - more tea names, metaphor. (definitely not teddy bears and sleepy time) We're talking passion here!!! |
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Post by lildawnrae on Jan 13, 2019 20:16:39 GMT -5
Hi Jimmy, The pull here seems to be between measures of performance (bar codes, nutrition, values) and the rich play of the speaker’s imagination as he contemplates the designs on his boxes of tea. It’s the world of “reality” losing to the world of exotic pictures and imaginary friends. Then there’s the question of money. The tea box images are as important as money.
I believe some intangibles are way more important than money (I can say that because I have enough money and therefore it isn’t uppermost in my mind!) But I think money is more of a starting image than the central image. I think it’s more the struggle between the barcode and the excitement of a dragon.
I had some trouble understanding these two sentences:
They only remind me of job performance measures I’d like to stay married to day. When I stir by stove light, robed, dishes sparkling expectations, give me the view that flashes a gold inlaid
dragon instead.
I can see the contrast of job performance and a gold inlaid dragon, but I can’t see how marriage is a part of that.
I thought stove light was particularly lovely—an image that bridges the real world and the world of imagination.
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linm
Junior Member
Posts: 92 
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Post by linm on Jan 14, 2019 9:42:08 GMT -5
Hi Jimmy,
I really enjoyed the gentle forward motion of this poem, especially where you begin to describe your morning (middle of line 7). “stir by stove /light, robed, dishes sparkling …” is lovely, the s sounds creating a soft hush. “G” s take over in the third stanza—give me— gold— dragon — geisha— ginseng— and give this part a kind of sound unity, as well as contrasting with the speaker’s quiet and humble existence. The end gives a sweet whimsical view.
I think the contrast that is suggested in the final stanza, the bear gets to sleep while you are up (early) is more potentially powerful than the contrast with the ugly parts of the boxes. There are hints that this is happening very early morning — i.e., stove light, not dawn light. Maybe that could be heightened a bit by imagery, and then the bear getting to sleep on would be more of a commentary on the speaker’s early morning duty to go to work. Also, there's a sense of the early time with fanciful tea box images linking to creativity, surpassing the mundane bar-code side of life. And I appreciated you trying out a more formal structure.
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Post by Gerry on Jan 17, 2019 14:05:10 GMT -5
There's something powerful about the Dragon, known in many myths to have a treasure and the job. This works for me. I like the idea of these tea boxes like treasures in a safe deposit box. I like the pun, too, that trips up Betsey. I can see why this feels clumsy to her, so I might suggest "married to daytime" or "married to day work" (ditto I might suggest changing the "they" that opens the sentence to "Those" which brings more clarity and has a bit more attitude).
Overall, though, I think this poem has all its parts in the right place and a playful ending (if you wake up the Sleepytime bear in the morning, you're going to drink that tea and go back to sleep).
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